My 'official' first kiss was in the summer of '86 (I think - the years get fuzzy these days). The son of my grandparents' friends invited me out to dinner (my first chaperoned 'date'). We were on the wooden stairs leading up to the game room of an Old West themed restaurant - the smell of BBQ chicken and smoked ribs in the air. At the last possible second, I realized how rank my breath was - and closed my lips tightly in an attempt to hide my oral odor. "Addicted to Love" was playing on the speakers overhead. Oh, how true those lyrics turned out to be!
After multiple boyfriends, two failed short-term marriages and one miserable long-term relationship, I've learned a few things. Unfortunately, I've learned more about what love IS NOT... but the power of rational thought has also allowed me to translate this into what love IS.
“Unless its mad, passionate, extraordinary love, it’s a waste of our time. There are too many mediocre things in life; love shouldn’t be one of them.” ~ Unknown
I've recently experienced my own rebirth in love - a resurrection of that which I once thought dead and forever gone. I hold the hope that this was indeed my last "first kiss" - rising from the ashes to remind me that we are all capable and deserving of love.
Love is a consistent, truthful, fulfilled, healing way of relating to ourselves and others.
Love is freely given and received. It is not earned nor legislated, imprisoned nor held hostage.
Love speaks out for justice and protests when harm is being done.
Love does not come with conditions, stipulations, agenda, addenda, or codes. Healthy love, however, comes with guidelines and parameters and "rules" co-created by its participants.
Love cannot be turned on as a reward or turned off as a punishment. Only something else pretending to be love can be used as a lure or hook for bait and switch, imitated or insinuated, but the 'real deal' can never be delivered if it doesn't occur naturally and freely from the heart.
Love points out the consequences of hurting oneself and others.
Love is bigger than you are. You can invite love, but you cannot dictate how, when, and where love expresses itself. You can choose to surrender to love or not, but it is unpredictable and irrefutable.
Love allows room for anger, grief, or pain. It does not cower or diminish in the presence of these things.
Love does not say directly or indirectly that if you want to be loved, you must "be a good girl", or "nice", or "do what I want".
Love isn't a power-struggle or about control. It is win some/lose some. It is compromise.
Love honors the sovereignty of each soul.
Love doesn't hurt. If it hurts, it's something else - fear, attachment, idolatry, addiction, possession.
Love isn't perfect. There is room for mistakes and quirks and missteps. Love means being hurt sometimes, but not irreparably.
Unconditional love is not being a self-sacrificing doormat or loving someone "no matter what". Unconditional love begins with loving yourself enough to protect you from the people you love if that is necessary. Until you start loving, honoring and respecting yourself, you are not truly GIVING - you are attempting to TAKE self worth from others.
Last night, the Supreme Court of the United States ordered that all Americans are afforded the right to marry in all 50 states. The predominant sentiment among my newsfeed right now is, "Love Wins".
Yes. Yes, it does.
Love is the dissolution of the borders between "you" and "me" and "them". Those lines are conceptual and imaginary anyway, and love offers a clear vision to see the world without them. Love wins. It is powerful. To love someone is to partake on the greatest adventure - it is unknown and wild, carefree and brutal, rich and honest, deep and meaningful.
For the past 24 hours, I've been reminiscing about young love, and daydreaming about what all of this means for my children and my children's children - who will never know a world in which people are not free to publicly (and legally) declare their love for and devotion to their partner. This gives me hope for a more tolerant, inclusive, loving, future world.
“Throughout this life you will meet one person who is unlike any other. You could talk to this person for hours and never get bored. You could tell them anything and they would never judge you. This person is your soul mate, your best friend. Don’t ever let them go.” ~ Unknown
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