Marriage is what brings us together today. Love. True Love.
And ignorance.
And fear.
And intolerance.
I'm tired of the Chick-Fil-A argument and I've seen a good amount of political rhetoric from both sides, but no one is changing anyone's mind here.
My own family is divided over this issue - and we are a stalwart, passionate family - so the 'Chick-Fil-A' controversy is not one we've discussed very openly. (Though my daughter and I have had some fierce debates, we're on the same side with this one.)So, here are my thoughts in a nutshell... or rather... fried in peanut oil to a delicious crisp.
1.) The 'First Amendment' issue.
The First Amendment protects free speech as it relates to government intervention. Our government can't (or rather, isn't supposed to) infringe on your right to speak your mind. It does NOT, however, protect you from criticism or offense from your peers. It doesn't protect you from accusations of slander or bigotry. It's not a blanket amendment that says you can spew vitriol from the rooftops without repercussion. The government will not interfere - but the closest 100 people who don't like what you have to say have the right to voice their opinions as well. And some may not do it in a civilized manner. You take the risk that they won't break the law and break your face in response.
And so, Mr. Cathy and his Chick Fellators have every right to say "We advocate traditional marriage and we support companies and organizations that advocate the same."
And everyone else has the right to say, "That's gay." ...or not.
So far, I have yet to see where anyone's First Amendment rights have been stripped away or compromised. Everyone is still talking. You don't have to like it. But you can say it. All the live-long day.
See how civilized it all really is?
Read up on the constitution people... and read it like you're reading copy from an audition for West Wing or LA Law by Shakespeare. Those words were chosen for a purpose. It's important to pay as much attention to what is said as what is not.
2.) The 'marriage' issue.
I've been married. Twice.
The first time... the marriage meant more to my family than it did to me. My grandparents begged me to marry my 'baby daddy' with more fervor than he did when he actually proposed. They didn't want to be the "great-grandparents of a bastard". No concern about what kind of relationship I might actually have with my on-again/off-again boyfriend - more important was to present a picture to the public that said we were a 'wholesome, traditional family'. Needless to say, that marriage was a sham... two kids playing house... and despite our best efforts to make it work, we divorced within 3 years.
This whole controversy starts to unravel when you consider the backbone of their conviction. Marriage is not a 'Christian' institution. Marriage was not designed by God. It was created by man. A 'traditional' marriage changes based on your geographic location. Americans have a much different idea of traditional marriage than what is commonplace in Israel, Asia, Europe, and tribal communities.
Marriage was initially created (we believe, because these unions predate recorded history in some cases) as a way to claim sexual exclusivity, protect lineage and bloodlines, and to determine the inheritance of possessions and land. Is that really what everyone is fighting to protect as God's 'sacred and holy' institution? I guess I don't get it.
I understand if conservative Christians want to balk at the idea of gay marriage and take a NIMB stance - hell, I can't get married in a Mormon Temple or a Catholic church without jumping through some hoops, so I get that... I don't list those places on my list of potential wedding venues. But the Mormon church isn't telling me that I can't get married on a cruise ship or in the Grand Ballroom of the Hilton because I don't follow their 'traditional' values. I've had no Jews deny my womanhood because I never went through a bat mizvah. So, I don't understand the mentality of any group or person saying to ANY individual "You can't do this thing I believe in 'cuz you do it differently."
To be an individual is the hardest thing in the world, because nobody likes you to be an individual. We like to make sheep of one another and relegate each other to our respective 'flocks'.
I think it's wonderful and glorious and romantic that there are people out there who aren't bitter and disillusioned like I am - people who still believe in finding that one true love for life and spend thousands of dollars celebrating their love and making it all public and forever-like. It's beautiful and I wouldn't dare deny that to anyone. ANYONE. You have your traditions. I have mine. Nothing says they have to be the same in order for me to respect and admire you. Period.
3.) The Dan Cathy issue. “We are very much supportive of the family — the biblical definition of the family unit. We are a family-owned business, a family-led business, and we are married to our first wives. We give God thanks for that.”
I'm glad Dan Cathy found what works for him. I think it's important to believe in something bigger and greater than ourselves. Whether it's religion or spirituality or community or whatever - he has every right to support the biblical family unit. He can support the Shakespearean family unit. He can support the Oedipal family unit. None of which comes without criticism from someone somewhere. I don't take issue with what Mr. Cathy does or doesn't believe in or support. I don't even take issue with the fact that he spends millions of dollars to support organizations that are dedicated to criminalizing homosexuality. I would feel the same way if I knew he was working towards criminalizing dancing. I'd still think he was an idiot of a businessman.
"We’re inviting God’s judgment on our nation when we shake our fist at him and say we know better than you as to what constitutes a marriage. And I pray God’s mercy on our generation that has such a prideful, arrogant attitude that thinks we have the audacity to redefine what marriage is all about."
I don't think Mr. Cathy is aware of what constitutes a marriage. I'm not even talking about the archaic Leviticus talk of the Old Testament kind of marriage - I'm talking about what people have done for centuries. How is Dan Cathy not shaking his fist at God and saying he knows better than Him what constitutes a marriage? God did not define marriage as Dan Cathy does. Nowhere in the bible did he define it that way. Show me the scripture and I'll show you passages that directly contradict Mr. Cathy's lifestyle. It just doesn't work to say ANY of us know better and it's counter-intuitive to say anyone has the "audacity" to redefine something that has been constantly evolving and redefining itself with every culture and generation.
Having been raised in the church, I remember the push to evangelize and convert and recruit and become "fishers of men". It wasn't enough to believe... success as a Christian is directly related to your ability to "save" others. It's not a mutually-tolerant religion. Anyone who doesn't believe in my God the way I do is going to hell. Plain and simple. Black and white. If you love someone... save them from eternal damnation.
"Love with eyes knows when to say no, when to say yes. Love neither interferes in anybody's life nor allows anybody else to interfere into one's own life. Love gives individuality to others, but does not lose its own individuality." That's what I believe.
No matter how much we may be able to identify and strive towards our own happiness, there will always be someone else saying, "That's not the right way."
It will take time. It will take tears. It will take tenacity and grief and heartbreak. It will take a generation of children raised by two moms or two dads to affect the lobbyists and lawmakers, but it's happening. Slowly... gradually... the evolution of the 'nuclear family' has already overtaken yesteryear's traditions and rituals. I only hope the evolution of Christianity can keep up.
Let them pity and protest and "pray the gay away". Let them make ignorant statements and ridiculous investments. I know that a great majority of my friends and family were nowhere near Chick-Fil-A yesterday. Some, out of protest... some out of health... and some out of apathy.
For those that did go... Well... I guess I pity them.
I'm sad for them. I'm sad that they think their dollars are best spent supporting organizations devoted to stripping away the rights of others. I pray that their eyes and minds will be open to all of the places in those towns and communities that could have used those chicken dollars to better someone or something.
What if, instead of buying a $4 sammich, every Christian believing in family values donated that $4 to their local homeless shelter or food bank or orphanage or animal rescue? I don't know... maybe it's my whacked-out sense of tradition or values, but I would find that much more gratifying than putting money towards keeping marriage a private club for breeders. Plus, I think there might be a quicker and more visible result on a smaller scale; rather than my meagre drop-in-the-bucket of millions already invested by a business like CFA. I can say that I've never seen lines that long or a rally this big to feed or shelter the homeless in own communities. Which is something Jesus actually WOULD do...
So, do with it what you will... I have no problem boycotting places that support organizations and people I'm not fond of for one reason or another. I have no reservations about raising my voice - or my blog - to say that I think this argument is as ignorant and ridiculous as segregation was 50 years ago.
I think that sin and the bible create chasms between people where there need not be any.
I'll defend someone's right to marry as quickly as I'll defend their right to have a vegan diet - though I have no intentions of personally adopting either lifestyle choice any time soon.
I guess the long and short of it is that I think it's important to be educated. I think it's empowering to know where your food comes from and where your money goes - and I think it's imperative that we understand and believe that there is happiness for others along different paths than our own.
Respect man, love man. Respect his individuality, respect his differences. And that is possible only if you respect your own individuality. That is possible only if you are grounded in your own being and you are unafraid.
I was never that impressed with their waffle fries, so really... I feel no great personal loss.
No comments:
Post a Comment