N2N - Dance it out, Diana!

I will admit that I was a little nervous about doing Next to Normal.

The show is a heavy one - the story of a family struggling to find themselves and each other through the heavy veil of grief and mental illness. Certainly not like the 'feel good' musicals I've been doing recently.
I obsessively stalked any information on the show when it won the Tony - knowing I was mere years away from being age-appropriate for the role (my own son and daughter are now the exact ages of the son and daughter in the show). I also subscribed to Alice Ripley's (the original Diana) YouTube channel and watched her post certifiably insane 'Diana' videos.

Like many actors who have played Hamlet or Ophelia, Lord or Lady Macbeth... it's easy to bring a little of the crazy home with you. And after reading, watching, and hearing stories of leading ladies going nuts just trying to play this role, I got a little spooked. Especially with issues that hit so close to home - how do you leave it behind?
Throughout the process, I cried at every rehearsal. Every. Single. One.

Then we got to tech and something strange happened.
I danced.
I danced in the lobby, in the aisles, backstage, in the tech booth, on the way home, in the hall, in my living room... and once in the shower before I realized that it was not only very limiting, but slightly dangerous.
Next to Normal is a cathartic show. I can't get through either Act without leaving it all on the stage - tears, snot, angst and all - and at the end, there's nothing left but gratitude.

Gratitude that I've been able to experience this journey, that my children are alive and healthy and well-adjusted, that there is clarity and 'light' in my world... and the ultimate blessing that my life is not Diana's.
There was a buoyancy in my step as I left yesterday's run behind me. I can't help but smile easier and laugh louder. Even though my life is chaotic and unstable, I can appreciate both what it is and what it is not. There's nothing like stepping into the grief and discomfort and insanity to appreciate the love and light and sanity around me.

I will be sad to leave this show - and ecstatic to revisit it in Kansas City, MO as part of Theatre League's Broadway series! It's a show I could do again and again and always discover something new and different and heartbreaking.

Cheers to Diana and her Next to Normal therapy.
And now... I dance.