Oh, those summer nights...

It finally happened. I woke up with that sticky feeling. The underside of my hair and back of my neck were slightly damp with sweat. The dreaded summer.

I've been able to exist for the past two weeks with just the comfort of my ceiling and box fans; and the nights are cool enough that I can leave the patio door open. Well, not any more.

Goodbye low electric bills.
Goodbye fresh air flowing through my house, thus reducing my claustrophobia.
Goodbye aromas of blossoming orange trees and neighbors grilling.

The children have finals this week and end their school year on Wednesday. Which also means that I will officially be the parent of a Junior and Senior in High School.

(Cue montage from every coming-of-age movie ever made and cut to shot of me sobbing on the couch - with a glass of wine in one hand, anti-aging brochure in the other hand and baby books on my lap.)

(Fade to black for transition and standby cue for 'Midlife Crisis'.)

I have promised to spend a good portion of the summer concentrating on defensive driving with the children so that they can get their licenses by the time my girl turns 16 in August.
(Cut to same shot on the couch, but wine has been replaced with hard liquor.)

So... this week, I pack my little heart out and hopefully organize everything into what will stay, what will go, and what we'll attempt to sell in a yard sale next weekend. Next Monday is the first week of summer camp, which means I'll be up at 7am every morning to teach Shakespeare to teens. Somehow on Tuesday and Wednesday, I'm also going to move all my crap from one house to the other - cue frantic phone call to bonded/insured moving companies - and establish my new home (for at least the next year).
I'll be teaching during the day and moving/unpacking in the evening... and probably passed out like a lousy drunk at night.
I feel for the kids, if only because I know they'll be saddled with chores and tasks and menial labor for the first couple weeks of their summer break. Picking up mom's slack. That's gonna suck for them.
Then I'll take them out in the Jeep and let them drive. Oh Lord, that's gonna suck for me.
Just thinking about it gives me heart palpitations and sets me on track to hyperventilate.

I'm feeling restless. Packing feels like purgatory. Knowing there's a D-Day just makes me wish it were here already so I can face it head-on with the energy I have now. I fear that the week will sap me and leave me unprepared for the physical and emotional tasks at hand. I'd love to just snap my fingers and have everything packed, cleaned, laundered, and ready to go. At least then I could go to the movies or do something frivolous without constantly thinking, "I should be at home, packing and cleaning or doing something productive."

I take solace in the prediction that today's weather will be cooler. I might leave my doors and windows open for one more night in the hopes that the onset of our oppressive summer will be be delayed for an evening or two.

...and here's to hoping that everything goes as smoothly as I've dreamed it out in my head.

... like a 1950's 'Grease' montage with talented, but misdirected children finding an outlet in Shakespeare; laughter at driving attempts that result in stalled or overheated engines; and moving company fellahs that spontaneously break into dance around the truck while singing 'We Go Together' as the entire neighborhood joins in and dances in the street (and I skip around handing out gift baskets of homemade goods while dressed as June Cleaver.)

Okay, so it may not go THAT smoothly... but I'll be content with anything that isn't a total disaster.

Oh, those summer nights.

One, two, three... jump.

I can haz crisis?

I think now might be the best time to start scheduling my midlife crisis.

I always hear about men and women with stable and established lives who seem to decide one random morning that everything must change. Careers, relationships, locations, even the clothes they wear and the cars they drive.

The thing is... I don't really have what most would call a 'stable and established' life. I mean, I've always lived in the same state and I have two children who keep me fairly grounded, but I'm a gypsy at heart. And an actor's life is far from what most people would call stable. After a fair amount of drama in my early adulthood, I've managed to relegate it (mostly) to the stage and reform myself from a demanding, cocky diva into an ever-evolving artist with a great appreciation for 'the little things'. Life hands me melons because I've become emotionally dyslexic.

But here's the mastery behind my plan: You see, if I expedite my midlife crisis, I'm not putting it off to those menopausal days where my actions are dictated by hormone-induced psychosis or flights of fancy. I can plan it out methodically and allow my midlife crisis to be fun for everyone! I could sell all of my earthly possessions (and put the sentimental ones in storage - or mom's garage) and take the kids backpacking across Europe to celebrate their High School graduation.

I could take the kids on a cruise and then return to randomly pick a city on a map to relocate to.

I could return to my roots and visit family in Barbados and maybe fall in love with working the plantations. I'm still young enough for manual labor!

I could buy an RV and get a grant to tour the U.S. doing socio-economic and cultural studies of the effects of arts programs (and lack thereof) on inner-city communities.

I could retreat into the jungle and play my own game of 'Lost' meets 'Survivor' meets 'I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here!'

Or... I could just pack another box, move into the next rental house and hope that I can drum up enough work to pay my bills and fund a few audition excursions within the next year...

I'll probably opt for the latter... since it seems that a crisis would indeed take much more planning than I'm willing to put into it right now. But it sounds like so much fun to just go completely 'whack-a-loon' for a while and live absolutely spontaneously.

This is where a little voice in the back of my head says that it's time to start living vicariously through my children. (Oh God, could you imagine me as a full-blown psycho stagemom? Terrifying!) But I really can't bear the thought for long, since my kids are just starting to get a taste of the freedom and independence that adulthood brings (yet without the responsibility) and to impose myself on their lives in this stage of the game would just be cruel.

(Though if they DO want mom tagging along on a backpacking trip across Europe, I'm SO in!!)
Better that I keep them sheltered from the whack-a-loon for just a while longer... though one could argue that they've already been far too exposed to take it back now.

I suppose the mid-life crisis will have to wait until I grow up a little bit more. And there's no telling how long that's actually going to take.

I must close for now so I can don my pencil skirt, twist up my hair, and dust off my German dialect for a callback. Playing 'pretend' for a living. Yeah... growing up is a long way off.

Fingers and toes crossed, kiddos!

Welcome Home!!

Yeah, I know, I know... I've been home for almost two weeks now.

I haven't even completely unpacked my suitcases or boxes, let alone begun the process of packing up the house to move... I just haven't found the motivation... or the house I'm moving into yet.

Upon my return, I hit two general auditions in town and started the house hunting in earnest, since my lease is up in three weeks and the owners need to try to sell it to get out from under the extra mortgage. Oh housing crisis, thank you for mucking up my perfect rental arrangement!

Concentrating on moving and auditions has been a godsend, really. It has allowed me to temporarily ignore the nagging writer's block and has also given me something to focus on instead of my post-show blues.

The show's over, Boo.

This weekend holds callbacks for 'Boeing Boeing' and '9 to 5' as well as appointments to see a few rental homes, catch-up with friends and family. I'm also working on my curriculum for the workshops I'm teaching in June.

That's right... I will be influencing the minds of 14-18 year olds. My plan for world domination is finally being realized! I'll be teaching one week of a Shakespeare intensive and one week of 'Mastering the Monologue' as audition prep. I'm very excited!! (But at this point, wholly unprepared.)

I still very much miss my family away from home... and it has felt slightly foreign to be back among my creature comforts. But it has been so wonderful to be back amongst my family and my dear, dear friends... without whom, I probably would have wallowed in depression for at least another week!

There has been plenty of blogworthy news this week, which made me realize that for as much as I 'blog' and 'live out loud' on the net, I'm actually a private person when it comes to the people and events that are truly dear to me.

Both my father and my step-dad faced health issues that came to their surgical conclusions... and both are recovering remarkably well. Several of my immediate family members have battled Cancer in the past few years which, of course, weighs heavily as I think of my own mortality and the relatively short amount of time we exist on this planet. I'm thankful that both of my dads have a ton of feisty years ahead of them.

I missed my babies a ton and still haven't spent enough time with them to make up for being away the past two months... but they only have two more weeks of school before they're off for the summer. I have a feeling we'll be spending a decent amount of time at my mom's... and her pool.

The uncertainty of what I'll actually be doing this season has me a bit restless. But I'm also excited to be getting to auditions outside of AZ... which, I guess, brings me to other blogworthy news...
I'm trying to get work in other states... and am earnestly prospecting out east. Not necessarily New York, though I'd love to work out there and get to see all my friends in the city... maybe I'll hit auditions there eventually, but I'm on the first set of baby-steps. I've lived in AZ all of my life, so there's bound to be some serious separation anxiety. I have a few contacts in Florida and throughout the southeast, so (God and CDs willing) that's probably where I will land within the next year or so.

I don't want to jinx anything, so I'll leave it at that and hope that callbacks go well this weekend and that I can get a few videos edited and submitted in the next few days. Fingers and toes crossed!!

Adventures In Little Rock: The Final Chapter

I hate goodbyes.
I also hate closing good shows.

Every show, every theatre, every organization has it's own quirks and processes.
Complications like dual directors, no wing space, troublesome sound and tech booth ergonomics only add to the character of a show (in my opinion) and this production of Hairspray was no exception.

I was honored to reprise this role with talented artists that I had worked with in Phoenix, but had no idea the additional number of people that I would come to know and love in my two months here.

The Stage Management team took me under their wing and allowed me to walk the line between actor and crew - finding solace in girlie time with Ann and joy in the disgust on Mary's face when I licked her. Not to mention their nefarious leader, Patrick, who allowed me to vent when I needed and gave me the pimp hand when I was gettin' too big for my britches - even allowing me to adopt his dog as a temporary surrogate for my beloved Roxanne.
Corinne... good, God... what a fun musical director! Equal parts no-nonsense and heart, I loved and respected her instantly... and her wit is only matched by her sarcasm. I didn't get to spend nearly enough time with her.
The cast... was and is simply amazing. From all of my nicest kids: Mary Katelin, Molly, Stacy, Kayte, Kelsie and Christy were always smiling and full of amazing energy. God, these girls made me laugh... I mean REALLY laugh... and made me feel like I was big sister to some amazing young women. And my boys.... my sweet, sweet Kevin, Matt, David and Brendan who NEVER dropped me and in fact lifted me up in more ways than one. And of course, Cory, Michael, Gregory and Antyon... all of whom I will miss so much.

Our girls' dressing room was such a sanctuary. Kim and Iris who are everything I wish I could be as a performer and more - Miss Sandy, who is a hoot and a holler "Happy Biiiirthday" kind of gal, and the beautiful Laura and Katie: Miss Congeniality and Punky Who. What a blast we had with our Pandora pre-show and our random discussions!
Jay and Rick, who never ceased to keep a twinkle in my eye onstage, and LaVon, who arrived grieving the loss of her aunt and grandmother, but who left celebrating a new pregnancy.
And Lillian... my dear, sweet Tracy. No one could ever compare with the remarkable amount of heart in this woman.

I learned a lot in Arkansas.

I learned that tornadoes are scary and will suck the windows right off of a building.
I learned that good people will make up for a world of loneliness and discomfort in a foreign setting.
I learned that you should NEVER stand up your MD when she invites you out for dinner or drinks... and if you do, she will give you a ton of shit.
I learned that hazing young sorority sisters is fun for everyone involved!
I learned that hallway/block party/potlucks are super-awesome and totally exhausting!
I learned that residents of Arkansas are some of the nicest, most supportive people I've ever met.
I learned that there is no substitute for a really good snuggle session.
I learned that it's exactly 12 steps from the stage left wing to the vanity spike at center.
I learned that a good sense of humor goes a long way.
I learned that two months is a hell of a long time to go without seeing or hugging my babies.
I learned that home is truly where you make it... and for the last two months, my home has been pretty damn nice.

A part of me wanted to stay in Arkansas, knowing that there were people staying... it didn't feel right to leave only parts of our family behind as we fractured and separated towards our respective home bases.
My flight into Dallas was delayed by over an hour due to mechanical test difficulties, which resulted in missing my connecting flight. They popped me onto a later flight which also ended up being delayed by over an hour... and I knew that my patience was being tested. I could have stayed in Arkansas another day or I could have been in Arizona... but I did NOT want to be stranded in the purgatory that was Dallas/Ft. Worth for another moment!
I finally landed in Arizona around 6pm and was home sweet home to face my bewildered animals by 6:30. They've been at my heels ever since.

It's good to be home, but I will miss this chapter in the theatre journey. Both for the show and its message as well as the people and their love, talent and energy.

Thank you, Little Rock.